Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Identifying Why I've Been Negative

Lately, I've been having a difficult time trying to write on this blog. I am not in a happy mode at this particular time in my life. I've been sick this past week, work is becoming more of a nuisance, and I'm tired. Thanksgiving is also preoccupying my mind more than it should, but that's a whole other story that I do not wish to discuss.

Basically, I've been a bit negative. I normally have a difficult time trying to write positive things on this blog. I truly believe you attract whatever it is that you're feeling. If I start complaining about the mundane stuff that goes on in my life, then I will attract more of it. On that note, what I'm having a harder time with is trying to get back into my positive mode. I've been trying really hard, but for some reason (subconsciously) I'm stuck. I keep on catching myself playing scenarios over in my head that are absolutely negative, almost combative. The more I think about it, the more it plays in my head.

Of course, all of the situations that have been occurring to me this week are due to my state of mind. That's the one thing about creating your own reality: there are no victims. I could play the blame game, but ultimately I know it all points back to me. This is quite liberating because I know that I need to change my frame of mind and I'll get back to my (new) old self.

So what is bringing chaos to my life? My job. Plain and simple. My job is very comforting. I know it well and make decent money. It's a bit hard to walk away from making easy cash. The downfall is the hours. I work nights and sometimes doubles. I'm just tired of it. Now, I don't want you to think that I came back to this job for good because that's not the case. I've just overstayed my welcome; that's all.

It's taken me about a week and a half to realize the main cause of my negativity. It's caused me sickness and now sleeplessness (2:40am). I'm glad I've identified the problem. Since the move, I haven't had much of a chance to job hunt. I have updated my resume and been searching. I know the job I want will come to me as long as my focus is on the new job and not how much my job sucks. I actually received a phone call to set up an interview because this company found my resume. Although it's not what I'm looking for, my focus is on the right direction.

1 comment:

ws said...

It's the cold weather!! You have been in the nice warm weather for awhile. Cold weather makes you want to curl up on the couch, not workout,and eat! Eating and not working out makes you depressed. Getting dark at 5 is depressing. I think everyone gets the winter blues! Makes you feel bored with your life and lazy. Or at least it does me. Plan something fun with Dan, go walk around the city and enjoy the cold weather. The bronx zoo has beautiful xmas lights this time of year. Sorry you've been bummin. Welcome back to NJ/NY. We've missed you.