Complaining

Everyone is entitled to have a bitch fest. Life at times throws curve balls at you that are hard to deal with. We've all been there when things just aren't going our way and we don't know how to handle it. Problems seem to work themselves out whether you like the outcome or not and happier times return.

What I find useless is complaining about minute things. I, myself, use to be guilty of this travesty. Nowadays, I find it quite annoying (although I'm working on not letting it bother me). This ordeal tends to happen often at work. Since we live off of tips, the types of tables we get are very important. Nobody likes waiting on cheap people. For example, I had two ladies that sat for two hours at my table and left me $5 on a $38 check. Number one, they sat for two hours. Number two, that's not even 15%. Now, I could have made a big deal about it, gotten upset, and let it ruin my night. But why? These ladies were going home to relax ignorant of the fact that they offended me. What kind of satisfaction would that have brought me? None, absolutely none.

What I was happy about, was that I waited on a couple, which there bill totaled $57 and left me $15. That's over 25%!! Now out of the two tables, which one should I concentrate on? The one that left me a horrible tip or the one that took care of me? It's obvious to me that the one that took care of me is the winner. Let me tell you, that I made little money yesterday. That one table made the day worth it. I refuse to concentrate on the negative. At times, it is a difficult task to accomplish. It takes a lot of effort to step outside of the situation and look in.

There's a guy that works with me who is nicest guy you could ever know. If you ever need anything, he's right there to help you out. He's a great team player and just plain nice. His downfall--complains way too much. He finds fault in everything to the point that I sometimes walk away. I refuse to surround myself with that negativity. Let's be honest. Waiting tables is not the best job in the world. Don't make it worse by complaining about it.

I keep on telling him that he should concentrate on better things than what kind of shitty tables he's getting or if the kitchen is taking too long with his food or that he's not getting sat (BTW, I'm not the only one that tells him that). His response is that he's very positive with his tables. My response is "Well you're not being that positive if you stand around and complain about it." At which his response is "I don't need to hear that I'm being negative." At which I respond, "Well then stop complaining."

I know he gets annoyed with me and the other people that tell him the same thing. He doesn't seem to understand that by complaining about every little thing that goes wrong, he's annoying others. Waiting tables is the kind of job that if you become cranky, you cause a domino effect. Once the dominoes begin falling, it is very difficult to stop them. You know what? It's affecting his pocket. He doesn't make much money. The days that he does make money, I don't hear a peep out of his mouth.

Maybe next time he starts complaining about the little stuff I'll remind him that on days he does make decent cash, he's not complaining. Maybe, just maybe, he'll see the connection, which will change his outlook. I work on seeing the good out of every situation, whether it's a good situation or a bad one. There are times where stepping out of the situation is impossible to do because of the heat of the moment. As long as you try your best, I guarantee you will feel better.

Names

Dan and I began talking about names we might like for our kids (if we have any and no, we are not trying). I told him that I would love to name our daughter "Xiomara." He was quite surprised by my response. I love my name. The older I get, the more I like it. I admit that when I was young, I wasn't that pleased with it. Most people would mispronounce it by pronouncing the "x" first. It's like someone saying the name Daniel, Dee-Daniel. Ridiculous, but none-the-less they did (and still do). The thought of putting any child of mine through that pain has made me stray away from that thought. But I just love my name.

Years ago, I went searching for my name to find out the origin and meaning. I came across a book that stated my name was Greek and it stood for "hospitality to strangers." At the time I thought it was comical that my name stood for that since I was waiting tables. Great, I'm meant to wait tables for the rest of my life! Not really, but there are a lot worst meanings out there. After the conversation I had with Dan, I was inspired to once again look-up my name. I was pleasantly surprised to find a different origin and meaning to my name. My name has a Spanish origin and it means "ready for battle."

I cannot begin to tell you how fitting that name is for me. Now I don't take as literally ready for battle, but as ready for anything that comes my way. I think that describes me very well. My closest friends might agree on this, also. Now more than ever, I would love to name my daughter, Xiomara.

Just for kicks, I also decided to look up the name, Xia (since everyone calls me that anyway). Xia originates in China and means "glow of the sunrise." How pretty is that? It is also very fitting because I love nothing more than to look at sunrises. I love how the sky, especially when it's full of clouds, has beautiful pink and purple colors right when the sun is coming out. It fills me with a blessed peace that just makes me love the world. On another website, I found that "Xia's" origin is Greek and it's a nickname for "Xenia."

"Xiomara" just became cooler. I'm glad my parents decided to give me this name. It's not common, which makes it more appealing to me. Something to keep in mind if we ever decide to take that step.

Louie

Let me start off by saying that my doggy, Louie, has always been somewhat of a grouch. He doesn't like people petting him, he hates kids, and will growl at you if you're bothering him. When he does something wrong and I discipline him, he answers back by barking really loud. Once left alone, he lays around and pretty much sleeps. It's not that he's super mean or anything like that. He's a loner.

Well, a twenty-five hour road trip changed that real fast. He's just a doll. When he sees us, he runs upto us and puts his paws on our legs so that we could carry him. He gets along with the other two dogs that are in Dan's aunt's house (this is where we're staying momentarily while we wait for the keys to the apartment). He still barks at strangers, but he calms down much quicker. I even left him unleashed last night (which I never did because he would purposely pee on the floor if left unsupervised) and he stayed on his bed all night. No messy floors to clean up this morning.

Dan and I are amazed. We're not sure if this will be a momentary change, but I hope it becomes permanent. I think the fact that he doesn't have to compete with his brother is another factor to his behavioral change. He must also be a bit scared about the move. Unfortunately for him, we haven't settled in yet. I hope this goes quickly for him.

Slight Delay

After all was said and done, we finished everything at about 4:30pm. At that time, we decided to leave tomorrow morning, probably before dawn. We're exhausted from finishing up all of the miscellaneous stuff and it wouldn't be smart to start driving while you're already tired.

Intermission: I saved this as a draft because Dan needed to go online. It's been an hour since that, and I just woke up. Definitely good idea not to leave today.

The good news is that we're all packed up. All we have to do in the morning is shower and jump into the car. Our renewed plan is to leave around 5:00am. This will give us plenty of driving time for the day. Since we're not planning to stop at a hotel, we should arrive early on Sunday. So, talk to you soon.

Off We Go

As of probably 1:00pm, Dan, Louie, and I will be off to our new lives. We still have a few things to do like change the oil in the car, get a new headlight, finish the laundry, and bathe Louie (the groomer never came to the house because of Rita). We pretty much finished all the packing except for the miscellaneous stuff. And that's about it.

The thought of leaving Miami behind has been a blessing that has kept me going while we've been packing (especially in this heat). We're excited about being back north. I think this time around we'll appreciate the more mundane things that go on in NJ/NY like knowing that it's already autumn by the scent of the air. I've been noticing other things as well that I never paid any attention to that I'll blog about in the future.

Well, that's it. Goodbye Miami!

Made it!

Positive thinking attracts goods stuff. As I always repeat to myself when the going gets tough,"Like attracts like." I proved it this morning. I got to the airport around 6:00am (after finding a flight that went into Ft. Lauderdale leaving at 7:35). I asked to be on standby for this flight. Well, without having to pay a cent, I was given a boarding pass. After the flight being delayed for about twenty minutes, the captain came out and said that he was going to try his best to get us into Ft. Lauderdale as best as possible. Worst case scenario, we would end up in West Palm Beach.

Once I situated myself on the plane, I said to myself, "We're going into Ft. Lauderdale." I kept on repeating this until I fell asleep. The flight went fine except for some turbulence (which was expected) and we landed in Ft. Lauderdale at 10:50. This is the best birthday so far because I got what I wished for--Dan. Now, we're going out to celebrate!!!!

Rita, Rita, Rita

After flipping out about my flight possibly being cancelled (Sal you're the best--thank you sooooooo much), I've decided to start celebrating my 30th birthday with a Corona. The flight has not been officially cancelled. My hopes are to see Dan on my birthday. I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy my beer. I'm not going to stress out about this anymore.

The malls in South Florida have closed for the day. Families are boarding up their windows. That's exactly what Dan is doing at this moment. He told me that he would speak to me in a few hours. Oh my dear, you won't have to worry about these damn hurricanes any more. Come to think about it, Dan has been doing a lot for the last few days between packing and now preparing for a possible hurricane.

Corona #2 even better than the first one. Dan and I have plans for tomorrow. Originally, we were going to the beach right after I landed. Obviously that won't be happening. Afterwards, we are going out to dinner. The rest of the week is going to be chaotic between finishing up any last minute packing and driving up with our dog Louie. Hercules (our other dog) is staying in Miami. He gets along great with his sister Xena (incest is best) and hates Louie. Besides, Louie is a loner. He likes laying on the couch and watching tv. Reluctanctly, I agreed to the whole ordeal.

Before I know it, all of this will be over with. Dan and I will be sitting on our brand new couch, sipping a Gewurztraminer or a Riesling (Dan likes white wines), and chuckling about our move back north. I plan to be chuckling about this very soon!

Anxiety

My anxiety is building up by the minute. If you haven't read my previous post below, I suggest you do so first. Then you'll understand this post. Anyway, I'm so damn excited about moving that my heart feels as if it's racing. This is becoming very real and fast, which is a good thing. After spending over three months apart form Dan (minus the one week of our second honeymoon), I'm more than ready to resume my life.

The fact that I'm turning thirty in two days has not even phased me. All I keep on thinking about is seeing Dan on Tuesday and our drive up from Miami (I swear, I'm not driving down to Florida for a long time). Being apart from Dan has been hell. Two more days, two more days (I keep on repeating this to myself over and over). My flight might be delayed on Tuesday because of a tropical storm, which is not making the situation any better. Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less because I keep on concentrating on the fact that we've been apart too long. Like attracts like. Let me change my way of thinking so that I attract my flight to go as planned.

On a better note, I just made plans for Halloween!!!! I'm taking my niece and nephew (and maybe the baby) to the Museum of Natural History for trick or treats. My best friend, and now next door neighbor, takes her kids there every year and says it's a blast. My niece is so happy about this that I can't even explain it to you. She kept me on the phone for about 30 minutes asking all sorts of questions about it. She is just adorable. Then she found out that her uncle Danny will be there and her response was, "Oh my goodness that is such great news!" She loves Dan to death. I don't blame her, I love him too. BTW, I bought a costume for my dog Louie. He is going to be Darth Vader. I can't wait!!

I've also pretty much made plans for Thanksgiving. Since I'm the one in charge of making the gobble-gobble, I'm having it at my place. I'm not sure if the apartment will be completely furnished by then, but at least it will be fun. I'm not sure if you know, but I make the best turkey in the world. Even my best friend who hates turkey will eat mine. It's yummy. I'm thinking about baking, but I'm not sure yet what to make.

As you can see, my anxiety also makes me ramble a lot. I can't help it. I have to get it out of my system before I freak out. At least this is good anxiety. What I mean by this is that I'm just excited. Nothing bad is going on around me. For instance, I was having anxiety issues when I was teaching. That was not a happy anxiety. At times, I thought I was going to beat the crap out of everyone in front of me (especially when I got physically assaulted by the students). It takes a lot out of you to control that adrenaline. Luckily, I'm just happy.

Update

We've officially found an apartment. After many dead end calls, I hit the jackpot. For a minute, I thought Dan and I wouldn't be able to find a place to live in. But at the last second, things turned around for us. We'll be moving into the Bronx right next door to my best friend (I'm very excited about that one). All of this is occurring October 1st, which is just in time since Dan will be up here by then.

I'm super excited about this right now, but I can't wait until we're settled in. It's going to be so nice to be alone. I love my in-laws to death and I'm very grateful for all they've done for us, but being alone with Dan for the first time in over two years will be a blessing. I've been dreaming about this day for a long, long time.

The apartment building we're moving into is in a great location. The subway entrance is right under the building, which makes it ideal for commuting into the city. The building has a total of six floors with an elevator, indoor garage, and a laundry room. There is also a dentist's office inside the building. The landlord is super nice and very helpful. Did I mention that my best friend will be right next door to me? Literally, right next door. We share a wall.

The apartment, itself, is a one bedroom with a galley kitchen and a dining room/living room. The apartment is fairly large. I have no idea what the square footage is, but it's a nice size for the both of us. The apartment is also bright with large windows in both the living room and the bedroom. We also have airconditioners in each room. They are below the windows (in the walls). So, they have to be installed by the owners.

I'm flying down to Florida on Tuesday (my birthday) to pick-up Dan. We will be driving up and returning by Saturday. Hopefully, the move won't take long and we'll be settled in pronto. It's going to be a hectic month, but I'm looking forward to it. I'll finally have Dan back with me and we'll be alone. Can't wait!!

You Always Learn from Situations You Hate

Very few things get under my skin like condenscending people do. I bartend and wait tables. Unfortunately, some people feel the need to talk down to their servers. HEY ASSHOLE, I HAVE A FUCKIN DEGREE!! And even if I didn't, you should have more manners than to speak to someone as if you're better than he or she is. I had one of those guests tonight that if I didn't need the job, I would have broken every single tooth in his mouth. Then I would have made him swallow his crushed teeth. Instead, I smiled and got him out of there asap. It got to the point that his wife told him to stop. I just laughed to myself because she's the one sleeping with him, not me.

What truly bothered me about the situation is that I let it get to me. Why should I care about how this guy speaks to me? He obviously has insecurity issues that he needs to workout. I hope it made his night. I believe that each situation that is thrown to you is for you to learn from. As I sit here on my bed, I wonder what I learned from this guy. Well, I learned that I need not to take things so personal. If we were both on the street, he might not have been so brave. He chose to pick on me because he knew I couldn't do a damn thing about it. That makes him weak and I have nothing to do with this equation.

What I also learned from this situation is that I got over it pretty quickly. As soon as he left the restaurant, I was in a good mood again. I'm very happy about that. If it were a year ago, I would have let it ruin my night. I know I'm becoming the person I strive to be little by little. And now I'm in the best of moods. I turned a bad situation to my favor and I thank the guy for helping me out. If it weren't for him, I would not have realized my progress.

Hidden Emotions

I finally got to emailing one of my former coworkers from the school I was teaching at in Hialeah. As I was reading her response, she mentioned my favorite student. I'm not going to say her name, but you've heard me talk about her before. To begin with, this little girl looks like if she could be my daughter. In fact, whenever a new teacher would start at the school, she would ask me if she was my daughter. The resemblance was so obvious that the other teachers would refer to her as my daughter.

Needless to say, I became very attached to her. I would often say that if I could ever adopt her I would. She's the sweetest thing you could ever imagine, but she is a very troubled child. From what I've gathered from her mother, she was physically abused by a teacher. I have to add that there has to be a drug problem with the mother because all of her four children have handicaps. Just by having a conversation with this woman you would realize that she's not all there.

This coworker of mine mentioned that my former student has talked about me and told one of my other coworkers that she loves me. When I read this I broke down and started crying. Actually, I'm still crying about this. I figured that by now she may have forgotten about me since I haven't been around. I miss her so much. Even though she gave me such a hard time, I wouldn't trade that time I've spent with her for anything else. She has taught me how beautiful a human being can be. I'm so sad that I can't be around her anymore.

When I go down to Miami to pick up Dan, I plan to visit the school. My first question is going to be about my "adoptive daughter." I hope I could contain my emotions when I see her because I'm not doing such a good job at it right now. I love that little girl and I can't wait to see her.

War Zone in America

I can't put into words how horrible I feel about Katrina. In fact, it doesn't matter how I feel about it because those victims experiencing it feel a thousand times worse, if not more. I'm sickened by the images I see on tv, but worse I'm sickened by the images my mind sees. Let's face it, the news reporters don't get into the mind set of those people who are facing the worst event in their lives. But I know you could put yourself in their shoes and get a feel for it.

My mom and I have been watching the news and she said something that I can't take out of my head. She said that she can't believe this is happening in America. She's right. Why is it taking so long for supplies to get there? The mighty country that we are saving the world. We can't save our own people? That's fuckin great! We have the biggest and mightiest military in the world, but it takes us a few days to get the national guard down to New Orleans to restore order. The only reason we need to restore the order is because help wasn't there. You try living without food or water in the sweltering heat for a few days. Not to mention that you haven't slept in days because you're protecting your family or are too devasted to actually fall asleep because the images in your head are too horrific to withstand. Then tell me how you're going to react.

UNACCEPTABLE!! That's what this situation is. If we could get live coverage of the hurricane, we could have sent supplies before the hurricane hit. Everyone knew this hurricane was going to destroy New Orleans, Gulfport, and Mobile. They should have had some kind of plan ready to be executed. We could do preemptive attacks, but don't count on us to do that to lessen the severity of a natural disaster. That says a lot about us.