Sunday, January 15, 2006


For someone who meditates very often and takes nice long baths, I sure don't relax. I don't mean physically relax, but mentally. I've been up since 7:30am, which is pretty early for me. I was so exhausted last night that I passed out on the recliner until Dan woke me up at 2:30am. I have no idea when I knocked out. All I know is that at one point I was meditating and the next thing I knew I was stumbling into bed. I guess I slept enough.

As you can see, I have the rest of the day ahead of me. I'm going to the gym in a bit to get a nice workout. When I get home I want to make some pancakes (from scratch) for Dan (great meal to have after working Then I have to busy myself with hummus. I'm going to a potluck dinner with some coworkers and that's what I'm making. I don't have to be at my friend's house until around 6pm. We made it a point to get together about every or every other month for a potluck dinner. We each make something to eat and bring a bottle of wine. We've all been working together for so long and become close friends that it's nice to see each other outside of the work environment.

As you can see, my day isn't hectic. I'm doing things throughout the day, but nothing that would cause me much stress. Well, I've been sitting here for the past hour doing exactly that--stressing! I keep on going over what I need to do today and trying to hurry myself up. I do this all the time, too. As you can see, I just realized how I stress myself for no apparent reason. Why am I doing this to myself? I have no idea, but it needs to stop.

I also do this on days that I work. Since I work nights, I spent my day worrying about when I have to be at work and if I'll have time to do all I have planned out. I always have plenty of time to accomplish whatever it is I have on my to do list. No wonder I'm still breaking out! I'm worrying myself sick. I need to focus on relaxing mentally. There's no need to worry about what I have to do and if I have time for it. I can't believe I'm doing this to myself.

I guess it makes some sense. Usually, excluding outside forces, you cause your own stress. You get stressed out because you think about things and the main concern is if you could handle it. We worry ourselves sick. Next time you start freaking out about something, stop and think if you're stress is being caused by someone else or you. Most likely it's the reaction you're having to that situation that's causing your anxiety. That's what I did right now, which inspired this post. Of course, I'm not stressing about anything important, but I have done so over important situations. I'll just have to apply this to those situations.

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